The Talk
by TheFirstMrsHummel
Summary: Based on spoilers for "Sexy".  My take on Burt Hummel finally having "the talk" with Kurt.  No 'ship at all, just a dad and his son trying to navigate the complexities of adolescence.  Rated T for honest and open discussion about S-E-X.


_**This fic is based on the Burt/Kurt spoiler pics for "Sexy". As the mom of a teenager myself, I had to say I was pretty appalled at how casual Kurt was about his dad finding Blaine in his bed, and how snotty he was when Burt called him on it later. And when Kurt threw out that challenge about Burt getting educated, I was like, "Oh honey, be careful what you wish for." ;) **_

_Maybe you could step outside your comfort zone and educate yourself? So if I have any questions, I could go to my dad like any straight son could._

His son's words echoed in Burt's head for days after their awkward conversation in the kitchen. He had always thought he'd stepped up pretty well, being the dad of a gay kid. He didn't understand a lot of what Kurt was going through, he was sure, but he hoped that Kurt knew how much he loved and accepted him. Not just the part of him that was attracted to other boys, but the other parts Burt couldn't really relate to as well; the love of Broadway musicals, high fashion, and that strange Gaga lady that Kurt practically worshipped. They may not have shared many of the same interests, but as far as he was concerned, he and Kurt understood each other. At least, he was pretty convinced of that until he walked into Kurt's bedroom last weekend to find a boy in Kurt's bed.

And not just any boy. Blaine, that kid from Dalton that Kurt had been going on and on for weeks about. How secure in being gay he was. What an amazing voice he had. And how incredibly handsome Kurt found him. _That_ boy. In his son's bed. And Kurt, sitting at his vanity and moisturizing, waving Burt off as if it was no big deal at all.

The _hell_ it wasn't. Kurt was only sixteen years old, and there was no way he was sleeping with _anyone_ under Burt's roof - guy, girl, unicorn, or what have you. He believed Kurt when he said nothing had happened; Blaine's cluelessness as to where he even was that morning was a sign that the kid likely had been too out of it to do anything the but pass out. And he knew Kurt well enough to suspect that his son would have expressed some kind of guilt or embarrassment, had he been fooling around in his room the night before. Still, as he had told Kurt once before, he may have been dumb but he sure wasn't stupid. Kurt said that they were both completely clothed the entire time, but Kurt was wearing pajamas that morning, so he had obviously changed out of his party outfit at some point. And he sure couldn't picture Kurt, who wasn't the most tolerant of being physically uncomfortable, sleeping on the floor. So maybe nothing had happened in regards to…sex. But his son had passed the night in the same bed as another person - a person he was romantically interested in - and that was not something that Burt was okay with. Not in the least.

Burt had talked it over with Carole, and mulled it over in his mind. He needed to confront Kurt about it, and let him know that his behavior was unacceptable. He tended to give Kurt a lot of leeway, and had for years. He loved his son more than anything, and knew that life wasn't often easy for him, being so different. Since the bullying at McKinley, and finding out that some asshole had literally threatened his son's life, he'd gotten even more permissive; as if he could make up all the unfairness in the world to Kurt personally. But he could see now that he'd gone too far, and failed to realize that like any other perfectly normal teenager, Kurt would take advantage of the slack. It was time to get a little tough love going with his son again, before things started to get out of control.

He was thrown though, when Kurt asked him if finding a girl in Finn's bed would have been as uncomfortable as what he'd walked in on last weekend. Burt wasn't much of what he termed a "navel gazer", someone who pondered his motivations and feelings endlessly. But between having a son as sensitive as Kurt, recently becoming a newlywed for the second time, and trying to navigate the rocky terrain of a newly blended family (particularly one comprised of one kid who had formerly been totally infatuated with the other), he found he was a little more in touch with his feelings these days than in the past. And he had to be honest, Kurt may have had a point. Just a little, mind you, but it _was_ there. If he had found Rachel or Quinn in Finn's bed, he'd have been pissed for sure. But part of him would have remembered what it was like for him back high school, when the softness and femininity of girls was so compelling it could easily completely cloud one's judgment. He didn't - and couldn't - have that connection with Kurt. The idea of wanting to have another man in bed with you; to want to touch what was firm and hairy, instead of supple and smooth was just…puzzling, to Burt. And maybe a little disturbing.

So even though he held his ground, knowing he was in the right to set boundaries with Kurt, he felt the sting of those words. And the need to try as hard as he could to understand even the most unfathomable parts of his child. So for two weeks, he put his discomfort aside as much as he was able, and did the research that Kurt had requested of him. Burt spent a significant amount of time online, and found some personal accounts that resonated with him, and gave him some serious food for thought.

_Be direct, but humanize the situation and let him see you as a person who once explored their sexuality, went on first dates, had relationships and met people that were both good and bad for you. Tell him what worked and what didn't and how some actions led to others. Sexuality aside, a man is a man and you have experiences that you can share with him. Help him make the best decisions possible and leave a door open for him to come to you at times when things don't go as expected._

_Parents who see themselves as "liberal" and believe they have put sexual prejudice behind them sometimes have additional guilt with feeling uncomfortable. They are sometimes stunned to recognize that they are uncomfortable when it is their child who is gay. These parents not only have to grapple with fears of homosexuality, but also have the added burden of thinking they shouldn't feel the way they do. It helps to concentrate on the real concern of what your child needs most from you now. Try not to focus on the guilt. It is baseless, and it accomplishes nothing for yourself or for your child._

Burt ordered some pamphlets from the PFLAG website. And God help him, he managed to make it through three brief online clips of gay porn before giving up. It had not been the most pleasant experience of his life, but at least he could honestly say he now knew what two guys did together. With their hands, and orally and anally as well. He figured he had the bases covered about as well as was humanly possible before approaching Kurt, who was innocently making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch in the kitchen.

"Hey Kurt," Burt began. "You got a sec?"

"Sure," replied Kurt. "What's up?"

"I was thinking about what you said the other day," said Burt. "How you wanted me to maybe do some research, so we could talk about…stuff." He pulled out the pamphlets, holding them out as an opener. He thought Kurt would be pleased with him, but was surprised to see Kurt's eyes go wide and stunned. He soldiered on. "So, you need to make sure you always use a condom. And, um, lots of lubricant. The uh …anus, it's not self-lubricating." He glanced at the glossy papers in his hand, remembering another point. "You can't use anything oil-based. It breaks down the latex of the condoms. Water or silicone-based is best. "

"Oh my God, Dad!" said Kurt, his voice a little loud and shrill. "We don't need to talk about that right now."

"I know you're probably not ready for that yet." Burt said. "Not for a long time, hopefully. But I read that you should use a condom for oral sex too. It seems kind of weird to me, but I guess there's a reason they make some of them flavored."

Kurt's hands shot up to his ears, covering them. "La la la la la la la!" he sang. "I can't hear you. So not hearing you talk about this." His face was bright red.

Burt began to get a little pissed off. What, like this was the high point of _his_ day? "What the hell, Kurt?" he said, narrowing his eyes. "You said you wanted me to do this. And I'll be honest, it's not exactly easy for me. I go to all the time and effort to educate myself, like you said you wanted me to do, and now you wish I hadn't?"

"I never said that," Kurt said. "I just wanted you to know some things in case I needed to come to you in the future. Not so you could ambush me, and start talking about sex when I'm in the middle of making a PB & J!"

Burt threw up his hands. "I just can't win with you, Kurt!" His voice was beginning to come close to shouting. He was glad he'd given Carole a heads up and had her take Finn out to lunch today. "Even if I do what you ask me to, I don't do it the right way. No matter how hard I try, it's not good enough for you!"

Kurt's expression turned from annoyed to concerned. "No, Dad, that's not true," he said. "Please don't get upset. The stress isn't good for your heart."

Burt rolled his eyes. "Kurt, I just got married again, and I have two hormonal teenage boys living in my house. I'm pretty sure avoiding stress at this point is going to be impossible." He sighed. "I know things have been rough for you, but lately, you're just so…"

"Bitchy?" Kurt supplied.

"Irritable," Burt corrected, with a brief smile. It faded, though. "You snap at all of us, sometimes for what seems like the smallest things. You can be really rude, and what's more, you seem downright ungrateful a lot of the time." Kurt looked at the floor. "Carole and I sacrificed our honeymoon to send you to Dalton, so you could be safe. And it was totally worth every penny. But Kurt?" His son looked up, and Burt steeled himself against the tears beginning to form in those pale green eyes. He wasn't going to do Kurt any favors in life, letting him believe that he could walk all over people without consequences. "We didn't send you there so that you could turn into a snotty, entitled brat. We deserve better than that."

Kurt flinched as if Burt had slapped him. The corners of his mouth turned down and his lower lip started to tremble. "You're right," he said unsteadily. "I've been upset and frustrated about some things lately, and I've been taking it out on you. On a lot of people, actually," Kurt said with a watery laugh. He sniffled, the tip of his nose starting to turn red. "I'm so sorry, Dad. Really, I am, I just-"

Burt cut his words off with a hug, no longer able to hold back. "I know, Kurt. I can see that you are." He released Kurt from his embrace, but kept his hands on his slender shoulders. "Thank you for admitting you were wrong, and for apologizing." He raised an eyebrow. "When Carole and Finn get home, you'll do the same with them, okay?" Kurt nodded.

"I do still want to talk to you, about…you know," said Burt. "Why don't we go sit down in the living room for a little bit?" Kurt followed his dad into the next room, where the shades were pulled and it was a lot dimmer and cozier than the brightly lit kitchen. His dad sat on the couch and Kurt followed suit, crossing his legs and looking earnestly at Burt. God, his son had changed so much, physically speaking, in the past year. He was nearly as tall as Burt now, but with unbelievably long, rangy limbs and feet two whole sizes larger than the previous winter. For once he was buying clothes not just to be fashion-forward, but because he'd grown out of everything in his closet. Burt swore Kurt must be able to hear his own bones growing in the night. His face had thinned out considerably, the soft roundness left over from childhood banished by high cheekbones and a sharp jaw line so much like his mother's, it made Burt's heart twinge with nostalgia. Despite his high voice and delicate mannerisms, there was no doubt that his son was becoming a man. And that was an even more important reason than any other for having this discussion with Kurt.

Burt cleared his throat. "I know that because you're gay, the uh…mechanics are a little different," he said. "But really, that's not the important thing. I mean, it _is_ important, that you take precautions if you decide to have sex. But it's not just about protecting your body, Kurt." His son furrowed his brow questioningly, so he took a deep breath and continued. "You have to protect what's inside you, too. Your self-respect, and dignity. And most of all, your heart. And that's exactly the same, whether you're gay or straight, or a guy or girl. When you make love, you give little pieces of yourself to the other person. You have to make sure you're giving them to someone who deserves it. Who deserves your gifts. Because if you give yourself to soon, or too often, or to the wrong person, then you've wasted something precious, and you can never really get it back. The person you are is something that you shouldn't ever be careless with."

Kurt was looking with a warmth and trust Burt wasn't sure he'd ever seen before. Even when they were being honest with each other, it always seemed like there was a part of Kurt that his son kept guarded. As if, despite all evidence to the contrary, he still feared possibly being rejected and hurt by his father. But now, all of that was gone, and he felt connected to Kurt like never before.

"Your mom and I…" said Burt, and then looked away, not wanting Kurt to see the shine of tears in his eyes. Some habits died really hard, it seemed. When he'd collected himself, he turned his gaze back to Kurt's gentle, patient one. "We were each other's firsts." He smiled at Kurt's suddenly wide eyes. "I'm not going to lie and tell you we waited until we were married. We didn't, not by a long shot. But we were both virgins the first time we made love. And when we did get married, it was something special and precious that we had together - only knowing each other in that way."

"Wow…" said Kurt, softly.

"Yeah, wow just about sums it up," Burt agreed. "So that's why I feel strongly about it, that sex should part of love and affection, and not just something you do to get it over with. Or because you're grateful that someone likes you enough to want to do it with you." He looked at Kurt. "You deserve love at least as special as the one you were born from. It might be with Blaine. Or it might be with someone you would never expect, or haven't even met yet." Burt put his hand on Kurt's shoulder. "But it will come to you one day, I promise. And when it does, you'll be ready for it."

Kurt smiled broadly, and it lit up all the corners of Burt's heart. He threw himself into his father's arms and hugged him fiercely. "You're right," Burt heard him say. "I will be."

_**Well, this is certainly different than anything I've ever written before. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing, or a good one, LOL! I think Burt Hummel is the most awesome dad ever written for television, and I sure hope I did him justice. I'd love it if you'd leave a review and let me know what you think!**_


End file.
